


the times we said i love you

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Memories, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, and he died btw, but i kept him clean for the sake of the fic aesthetic, felix swears once, mentions of abuse, miklan is mean sorry, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 15:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: and how long it took us to realize.





	the times we said i love you

**Author's Note:**

> I was on my way back home and I thought to myself, man I really wish someone would write a fic about sylvain and felix's lives together from beginning to end.  
Then I realized I have two (2) good hands to write it myself.
> 
> spoilers for the BL route in 3H folks.  
Also the angst is light (????) because I can't handle angst otherwise.

Sylvain Jose Gautier was born in late spring. He considers himself a summer child, but weather wasn’t something that mattered when you were born in Gautier territory when even the warmest day was colder than anywhere else in the continent. Even today, all these years later, he could say this: He loved the cold.

As a baby, he didn’t have many memories that stood out, and it made sense; why would a toddler remember anything? But even against all odds, there was one thing that he would never forget.

Garland Moon; his third birthday. They traveled to the kingdom capital, his parents and his brother. He remembers how everything felt familiar and also how it didn’t. The buildings were like Gautier, sure...but they didn’t feel as imposing. As threatening. They almost felt welcoming.

He doesn’t know how he got inside the castle. He’s a 3-year-old, after all, he barely has an attention span. Next thing he knew, he was in a new room, but something was different. There were more people here, more grown-ups, but they were all looking at him with smiles like he had won a prize.

_“Happy Birthday, Sylvain”_

The little Sylvain always smiled when he heard that, but not this time. It wasn’t because of anything bad, he was just confused as to what was happening. He remembers his father guiding him forward. Soon enough, Sylvain had even more questions than answers, but he couldn’t ask them for he was figuring out what was in front of him.

Three sleeping babies. They were cuddling in their sleep too like they were close.

“These are your new friends, Sylvain”

Sylvain remembers hearing his father’s voice behind him, and that was suddenly enough for the three-year-old.

So this was his birthday gift; three new friends. They looked a little small, but they would grow up like him, right? Then they could all run together. He wondered if maybe they would like to play in the snow and build snowmen with him. Miklan never wanted to, he preferred to shove him in the snow and stomp on his head when his parents weren’t looking.

He probably stared at them for too long, he thinks, as they were beginning to wake up before he reached out his hand. And out of the three babies, one of them reached back. It was the one that wasn’t blonde.

The moment that tiny hand grabbed onto his own, Sylvain smiled his happiest smile.

-

“C’mon, Felix!” Sylvain’s voice was full of joy as it left his mouth.

Ingrid and Dimitri always stuck around him, but Felix was the one that was persistent in always catching up. He barely knew how to walk, yet he insisted he could outrun Sylvain somehow. Well, as good as an infant that could only babble words could insist on this.

Every time little Fraldarius was about to ‘catch’ up with his friend, the bigger kid would just move farther away, which was so...so unfair! The frown wouldn’t leave his face, but Sylvain liked seeing him like that. Who said he can’t have a little fun? It’s not like it was ever like this back in his home anyway.

It was then when the baby tripped on his little steps and fell on the floor. Oh no.

“Ah, Felix!” Sylvain’s joy was replaced with concern as he moved forward, being the one to meet Felix halfway. When he got there, he knelt next to the kid and tried to lift him.

He got himself a little punch instead, and a refusal for help.

The younger one shook his head fiercely, the obvious tears already falling down his cheeks. Felix had to be the one that cried the most between the four of them, but for once he wasn’t bawling. He was trying to hold them back, even though he was failing.

“Felix…?”

“N-No…” His voice was even tinier than usual. But he huffed, and he stood back up.

He stood back up on his own, without’s Sylvain’s help.

“Oh, okay! You can do that!” Seeing Felix stand up so proudly like he just accomplished something extraordinary brought back the smile on Sylvain’s face. He didn’t know how to describe this feeling, being a little child that barely knew anything besides playing around, but it was good to see him do that by himself.

Sylvain stood back up, and he patted the baby’s head. “Good Felix!” The praise was simple, but it was genuine. Felix looked up to him with big eyes like he had just heard the best thing in the world. The tears kept falling down his cheeks, but he wasn’t holding them back anymore as he hugged onto the older kid.

Later in his life, Sylvain pinpoints this as the first time he ever felt pride.

When Felix calmed down, they began playing again, whatever game this was of chasing and being chased around. Felix fell many times, and although he continued to stand up on his own, Sylvain always met him halfway.

-

At an early age, Felix picked up the sword, and well, he hasn’t put it back down. At this point, it was just a game; wooden swords to play around with his friends, but everyone around him knew that this was something that would never leave him. It was the first thing he was truly fascinated with.

He also picked up a knack for challenging everyone he knew to a ‘duel’ of sorts. There was only so much a 5-year-old could do against his older brother, but at least he could best Ingrid consistently! It wasn’t like she cared much for swords anyway, and she wasn’t a sore loser. Dimitri would end up breaking his wooden sword all the time, so Felix couldn’t count his wins against him to be real until they went a single one without this happening.

The one he desperately wanted to beat was his friend Sylvain. He sees him a little less often now, but whenever he comes, he always comes running to hug him and then he would always blurt out the same.

“Sylvain! Let’s duel!”

And Sylvain, with his easy-going smile, would always reply the same thing.

“Sure thing, Felix”

It was delusional, perhaps, for a kid his age to hope to beat someone that was roughly three years older than him, but that didn’t stop Felix from trying. He’d always charge at Sylvain with all that he had, but it didn’t take long before he was on the ground and had a wooden sword pointed at his face.

“That’s two for me. I win, Felix” He would always sound a little too proud when he said that, which always earned him a glare from the loser. But the winner grinned and helped him back up and patted him back down.

“I don’t get it! You don’t even look like you’re trying…” Felix always voiced his frustrations as Sylvain did his best to clean him back up. “You just got lucky”

“Mmhmm, just as I got lucky all the other times we dueled, right?” Sylvain grinned, finally stepping away from him.

They could hear how Ingrid went on about how boring it was to play the same thing every time she came over and that she wanted to do something else. Dimitri would usually agree, and at that time, Felix’s father, Rodrigue, would conveniently come up with something interesting for the whining kids.

He’d ask little Felix if he wanted to join them, but he would always ready his sword instead.

“No, I’m going to beat Sylvain”

It always took many attempts before Felix called it quits.  
  
-

He couldn’t tell if it was day or night even, the sky always looked the same; gray. Felix didn't like visiting Gautier. Everything was colder; the weather, the beds, and Sylvain.

“You don’t have to cry for me, Felix” The words were warm in theory, but whenever his friend spoke like that, he always felt so distant from him. Over the years, they’d made a good job of never feeling like there was an age gap between them, albeit small, but it was in moments like these where Felix felt truly powerless.

“I’m not cryin’...” Lied Felix, with his tears streaming down his face as he fiercely clung to his friend’s arm.

He heard the weak laugh Sylvain would always have in this place. He couldn’t believe he lived like this. The Sylvain he knew was bright and he was always happy. This? This just felt like they took a sad look-a-like and they were trying hard to pass it off as the heir of house Gautier.

“Right. Okay. Just give me a few minutes, and then we can play, okay?” His voice sounded a little less cold, but it still hurt to hear him like this. It still hurt to see his face bruised up, his eyes with no light, as his eyes stared into the hallways where his big brother had disappeared to.

Felix never liked Miklan. He was rude and a bad grown-up. His brother was so much better. Glenn didn’t have the best attitude, but at least he didn’t treat Felix and Sylvain badly. He wouldn’t look at them like they didn’t belong there. He wouldn’t talk to them like they were trying his patience.

He wouldn’t kick Felix the way Miklan kicked Sylvain. He wouldn’t kick Felix at all.

What angered the most was that Sylvain took it all. He had seen how Miklan had kicked, punched and pushed his little brother many times, but said little brother would stand back up and pat himself back down, spare a glare at his brother at most, and then continue on his way.

He wouldn’t even cry, much less tell his parents.

Sylvain’s parents would find out anyway when they saw him covered in bruises, and Miklan would get the scolding of his life, which only seemed to anger him more than usual and then he’d have another reason to push Sylvain later. But even when this happened, Sylvain didn’t seem happy. If anything, he looked sadder, like he didn’t want that to happen either.

Felix didn’t understand this. He wished he was bigger so he could protect Sylvain but the truth is, Miklan scared him too.

He let out a sigh. “O-Okay then...”  
  
-

Two incidents affected both the Fraldarius and the Gautier estates almost simultaneously, and they both had a name: Miklan.

The first one was when Sylvain and Miklan went out to the mountains and only Miklan came back. He didn’t even try to hide why this was, he just told his parents with no remorse what-so-ever:

_“I left him there to die, and I hope he does”_

When this was news in the Fraldarius state, Felix threw a massive tantrum. God, how he hated the first son of Gautier. He wished he could be there and just best him in sword combat, that’ll teach him. But what hurt him the most was that he wasn’t there with Sylvain.

When he finally got to see him after he demanded this through tears, his friend greeted him with a big, but empty, smile just like he would every time he came to visit him.

He came to know that Sylvain was out in the mountains for three days and two nights, and he somehow survived because he found a cave that wasn’t completely frozen and there was plenty of snow for him to eat.

And yet, when he said this, he didn’t cry.

The other time was when Sylvain was pushed down a well. Not only was he trapped in darkness with only one light source in a tiny place, but his body hurt. He probably broke his ribs, at least some of them. He was in so much pain it was almost unbearable. And he would die, he knew he would die. Nobody was going to come for him, and he was going to die.

Help did come, but even when it came, he wasn’t happy. His parents looked glad to see him alive, but then they would ruin it with their words.

_“We can’t lose the heir of house Gautier”_

Because that’s all Sylvain is to them.

When Felix knew of this, an even bigger tantrum was heard throughout the Fraldarius estate, and once more, at Felix’s aggressive request, they went to see the poor Sylvain up in his estate.

And the same scene repeated. Sylvain told Felix what happened, sparing him the details of the pain he felt and how he was sure he was going to die, and thanked him for worrying about him. But there was a small difference this time, and it was that his smile wasn’t empty; he truly looked happy that Felix worried for him so much.

But he didn’t cry. Sylvain didn’t cry.  
  
-

They had been going at this all day. Well, that was an exaggeration. They started when Sylvain got there, but they had plenty of rest after the first few matches. They ate with Felix’s family and later they, along with Dimitri and Ingrid, spent time together in the library, reading about the legends of Loog and the kingdom they lived in. Dimitri and Ingrid found this way more interesting than Sylvain and Felix ever did, but it was still nice for them to be together and talk.

Eventually, Dimitri and Ingrid found themselves tired of talking and falling asleep over their books. Felix would always tell his dad so that servants would come retrieve those two and place them in actual beds. As for him and Sylvain? They always went back to the game they’ve played many times now.

“Sylvain, let’s duel”

“Sure thing, Felix”

Even now, years later, Felix never gave up. He always strived to defeat Sylvain, who made everything seem so easy. But every time they did this, Sylvain would always struggle a little more; Felix would find more openings and exploit them, and his friend would finally lose that irritating smirk he always had.

Felix was glad he never gave up, because he was the one left standing, pointing his sword down.

“You lose, I win” Felix had rehearsed that so many times in his head for this moment, and now they just sounded lame. He finally beat his longtime rival, and that’s all he had to say. But they still worked, because Sylvain looked shocked.

Then, he laughed.

“Felix, you did it! You beat me!” He knew that Felix was too awestruck with the realization to offer him a hand, so he got up by himself and patted himself down.

“I...I did it…” Felix repeated, still expecting this to be some sort of dream. He was happy enough, but he didn’t realize how much until he felt a warmth wrap around his body, and his a hand pat his head.

Sylvain came to hug him and wore the warmest smile Felix had ever seen.

“I’m so proud of you, Felix”

Felix had been getting better at handling his tears, but at that time, they fell down his cheeks as easily as they did when he was a younger kid.

-

It happened without warning. The biggest tragedy that has ever fallen upon the kingdom. At least, that’s how Dimitri, Ingrid, and Felix felt it.

This was the first time Sylvain felt so removed from his friends. If he didn’t know his friends, he’d mainly just be sad that they lost a king. Of course, he would also feel bad that so many people had to die, but it wouldn’t feel like something that he would truly care about further down the road.

But he knew Dimitri, the late king’s son. He knew Ingrid, whose fiance was a soldier in Duscur. He knew Felix, who lost his brother.

Sylvain couldn’t get a hold of Dimitri and Ingrid, but he could get to Felix due to his parents' relationship. He could only get there days after it happened, but it seemed like time was frozen when he got to the Fraldarius estate.

He wasn’t greeted with a hug and a request for dueling. He wasn’t greeted at all. But Felix was still in the same place he would always duel with him, but more importantly, in the same place where he and his late brother would also duel.

“Fe…” It slipped out, but it was so faint that his friend didn’t hear it. He didn’t need to hear him to know he was there though; Sylvain had too much presence.

Something had changed in Felix, he could tell. He wasn’t the same, and it wasn’t like he expected him to. But more than sad, he also seemed angry. As if someone had taken something from him and broken it.

At the time, Sylvain didn’t know to whom the anger was directed, but it didn’t take long for him to find out months later. But that didn’t matter.

“Fe…”

Sylvain wrapped his arms around him and held him close. He wanted to say something to comfort him, anything. But talkative Sylvain was gone, the words stuck in his throat, a knot growing bigger with each passing second. He felt like he was drowning, but then how did Felix feel?

He said nothing, but he still wrapped his arms around his friends and cried. He sobbed all over his friend. Sylvain wondered if this was the first time he cried since the tragedy with how much he was crying. It felt like he was letting it all out; both what he felt at the moment, and what he would feel in the future.

Felix changed after that. He no longer cried, nor he smiled.

But despite all of that, Sylvain stayed. He’d do the smiling for both when the time came. It was the least he could do.

-

Garreg Mach Monastery. To be honest, Sylvain wasn’t too thrilled when he got enrolled in the academy, but it couldn’t be too bad if it meant he would spend more time with his friends. After getting scolded by Ingrid just a few hours in though, he wondered if he wanted to. Was it that bad to comment about how nice the ladies of this place looked?

Dimitri scolded him too, but softer. But more than anything, he didn’t seem particularly interested in doing this either as he usually was. His mind was elsewhere, but Sylvain was smart enough not to bring it up. He could tell he wouldn’t get anywhere with this.

He only ever interacted with Felix at night, when he was on the way to meet his new home for the next year. Most of the students had gone to their rooms already, but Sylvain had been busy wooing a girl or five to keep himself entertained. He already saw trouble forming up when he realized Dimitri was next door, but he was insatiable. He’ll find a way...probably.

Next to Dimitri was Felix’s room, which is where he stopped by before getting to his room. The door was open, so it was an invitation, right? He only leaned against the door frame, but that was enough to make Felix click his tongue when he noticed him. He ignored him.

“It’s not nearly as cold here as it is in Faerghus, soooo I trust you won’t have any trouble sleeping?” Sylvain did love to bring up the past between them, something Felix hated.

“Shut up, Sylvain. And go to your room” Curt as always.

“You know, I think I’ll like it here. I wasn’t sure at first, but I’ve spent a good deal going around today and this place isn’t so bad”

“It’s just a new field to get yourself a new piece of ass” Ah, Felix knew him so well.

“Too true! Isn’t that exciting? I was starting to get bored with the ladies in Gautier. It’s always the same song and dance with them”

“Maybe you should change your routine. You could train for a change. You’ll get yourself killed in no time here” Felix didn’t look at him as he finished settling into his room, and with that, it meant setting up the candle he’d always have on his desk back at his estate. Sylvain noticed, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded his head a little as if he was paying his respects.

_Hello to you too, Glenn. Be a good roommate to Felix, will you?_

“I won’t die. You’ll protect me if I’m close to, right?”

“No”

“Wow, harsh” But his words had no hurt behind them because Felix’s had no bite to hurt him. “Goodnight, Felix”

He left without hearing a reply.

-

Miklan was dead and good riddance. Felix felt like one of his longtime dreams finally became fulfilled. He was surprised to hear they’d be involved in a mission that brought up that man again, but he was all the more excited after knowing that. He’d finally beat some sense into that prick like he always wanted to.

It wasn’t him that landed the final blow, it was Sylvain. How fitting.

But something wasn’t right. Sylvain insisted he was fine, and on the way back to the monastery, he was his usual self. But he holed himself inside his room after they’d gotten there, and he wasn’t sure if he had come out since.

It’s been a day. He’s had enough. Or more like, he was starting to get a bit concerned. Everyone kept their distance from Sylvain because he already earned himself a bad reputation, but he figured he should check upon him, even though Dimitri and Ingrid already had the day before and Sylvain had insisted to them that he was fine.

“Syl-” He wasn’t able to finish the sentence. He noticed that the door to his room was slightly open, so he didn’t have to call out his name, he could just let himself in.

He could let himself into a sight he never thought he’d see.

The room of neat freak Sylvain was a mess. There were at least 3 empty bottles of wine on the floor, one of them smashed to pieces. Shards of that bottle scattered over clothes that were also scattered across the floor. The piles of books he kept left forgotten on the floor, some open and ruined with what Felix assumed was also wine. There was a faint glow coming from the bed; the Lance of Ruin. But it’s glow was obscured a little with the blood it had on it. It was dry, so it wasn’t Sylvain’s. It was Miklan’s.

And next to the bed, on the floor, was Sylvain. His head was low, his knees were up, and next to him was a half-empty bottle of wine. What stood out to Felix was the blood coming out of Sylvain’s wrists.

“Sylvain!” Felix moved towards his friend immediately. Sylvain didn’t respond, and against all logic, Felix assumed the word. But when he got to him and checked him, he realized he was still alive as he was still breathing.

“Felix...Felix…” Came the voice of Sylvain a few seconds too late. He rose his head to face the man, and Felix noticed how void of life his eyes looked. He hadn’t slept either. His breath reeked of alcohol too. To be honest, right now Sylvain only smelled like wine and blood, not his natural scent.

“Sylvain…” Felix was never good at this, he was never good at comforting others, much less him, who never needed comfort before. Luckily, even in this state, Sylvain would do that for him.

“Felix, I killed him...my brother...I-I killed him...my hands are stained with his blood…Miklan, my brother…”

Felix swallowed hard. “He deserved it, Sylvain”

Sylvain sniffled, and his eyes began to water. “He was a victim too. He...he never deserved to be treated the way he was treated because he didn’t have a crest”

“You didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were because you have a crest”

“It’s all my fault...me and my stupid blood…” That explained why he made himself bleed. “If I didn’t have this...I-I...It would have been so different, Felix. He could have been happy; w-we could have been happy, family…”

“Sylvain…”

“Felix, he never once treated me right. He broke my ribs, he kicked my face, he left me to die many times...So why? Why do I feel so sad? Why am I mourning his death?” The tears didn’t stop rolling down Sylvain’s cheeks. “Why do I regret killing him, Felix?! I should be happy he’s dead! That I...That I got to kill him! But I’m not…! I’m not…”

Sylvain didn’t make sense after that, he merely came forward and hugged onto his friend for support, and sobbed all over his shoulder. Felix, unable to say anything, held him close, offering silent support. If he couldn’t find the words, he could find the actions.

Felix doesn’t know how long he stayed there, with Sylvain crying. But it was long enough for him to realize that this is the first time he has seen Sylvain cry.

-

“You could have died if it was a real battle, Sylvain!”

“Oh, give me a break! I’m a cavalier! I should be leading the charge!”

It had been two days since the Blue Lions won The Battle of the Eagle and Lion, but Sylvain and Felix had no time to celebrate like the rest of their class. They only seemed to have time for arguing.  
Sylvain had launched himself forward as soon as the battle began. He took cover in the nearby forests, but even so, he had to deal with attacks from all directions. It was a mock battle, so he knew he wouldn’t die, but he also didn’t want to lose, so he tried his best to be the one left standing. Dodging ballista shots while also dodging the lances in front of him was no easy task, but he managed, even though he took more beatings than he dodged them.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t, I’m saying you don’t have to go so far away from the others! We don’t ride horses, we can’t catch up to you as fast as you can catch up with us if something were to happen to you!” Felix’s angry words came from the heart. And when he spoke from the heart, Sylvain found himself unable to argue.

Only a sigh came out of the redhead. Then, he replied. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But I know my limits, Felix; I knew I could handle even the worst situation. I would have had to be extremely unlucky to-”

“But I didn’t!” Felix wasn’t interested in what Sylvain had to say. “I didn’t” He repeated.

“Felix…?”

“How am I supposed to know of what you’re capable of and what you’re not capable of doing if I never see you train? Not even once have I seen you in the training grounds! How am I supposed to know that you’re not an incompetent fighter and that you know what you’re doing?!”

Sylvain found himself smiling. “Is this your way to ask me to train with you?”

“I’m asking you to stop taking such stupid risks if you aren’t going to take your training seriously. That was a mock battle, but in a real one, you could have died”

Sylvain realized what else had Felix so worried. He felt bad that it took him this long.

“Okay, I’ll come to the training grounds more than. Or well, start to. We can train together. Does that satisfy you?”

“Suit yourself,” Felix said, but all aggressiveness in his voice was gone. “I’m not going easy on you”

“When have you ever?”

-

Felix didn’t understand why the monastery held something as stupid as a ball. He didn’t understand why he was forced to attend. But more than that, he didn’t understand why he had accepted Sylvain’s invitation for a dance.

“C’mon, Fe, I know you’re not good at ballroom dancing, but you could at least try to not embarrass me in front of everyone” Sylvain’s tease was evident, but this just managed to get Felix upset.

“Shut up! If you didn’t want to deal with this, you shouldn’t have asked me for a dance”

“You could have said no”

“Do you want me to leave you standing then?

“Nope! Please stay with me, my dear” The easy grin came on Sylvain’s face as the hand on Felix’s waist pulled him closer to himself.

Unlike Felix, Sylvain wasn’t too bad at this. He was no Dimitri, who had been spinning around all night with such grace, but he could at least hold his own and could lead his clumsy partner into a nice waltz that masked how little he knew of this.

That is until you focused on their feet and how many times Felix kept stepping on Sylvain.

“Fe, my feet are not the floor” Sylvain eventually said, losing his grin. It was replaced with a smirk instead, which didn’t make anything better.

“It’s your fault for having big feet” Felix spat back, refusing to meet his gaze now. He didn’t plan on asking this, but seeing as he was stuck with his friend and he didn’t want to meet the other student’s gazes, he looked back to Sylvain and spoke. “Why did you ask me for a dance? You know I’m not good at this”

“I wanted to dance with you” Sylvain’s reply came quickly and easily. Felix was not convinced.

“There’s a bunch of girls that want to dance with you, Sylvain, and they’re much better dancers. You wouldn’t have your feet stomped on if you just-”

“You’re not listening” A sincere smile spread across Sylvain’s face, and unless the light was tricking him somehow, even a small blush adorned his cheeks. “I wanted to dance with you, Fe”

Felix wondered if this was what all the girls felt attracted to when they saw Sylvain because if it is, he can understand why they fall for him despite his reputation.

No more words were exchanged. Instead, they remained for another song, another dance.

-

“Ugh…”

“Sylvain!”

War came to knock on their doors. It was unexpected, almost as unexpected as Dimitri’s snap was for the Blue Lions. For a moment, Felix honestly thought they could win this. They could protect Garreg Mach and avoid a war, but then came the reserve troops and the true strength of the Empire.

Sylvain had launched himself towards Felix without a care for his safety when they saw this coming. They weren’t done clearing the force that struck first, so Sylvain got himself hurt with the powerful Death spell of the emperor’s right hand. And even then, he pushed his horse to reach Felix and take him away from the front lines.

This is no longer a battle; this is survival. And Sylvain would be damned if he ever let Felix die while he was around.

He rode them somewhere that was safe, at least relatively. He didn’t know where the rest of his class had scattered, but he hoped that they still kept their lives. When they were out of sight, he finally could give his horse some slack and stop pushing him so hard. He had no idea where he was going at first, but then he realized that he was naturally leading them towards Faerghus. But of course, they wouldn’t make it there. He wasn’t even sure if they’d make it out of the mountain range of Garreg Mach before he passed out and his horse gave up entirely.

“Sylvain, you’re bleeding out!” Felix, whom he had been holding against him, finally spoke up.

“I’m okay, Felix…” He couldn’t even feel the wound he had. He knew it was there because he remembers the dark magic wrapping around him, but the adrenaline made it impossible for him to feel anything.

“You are not, you blasted fool! You’ll die!” Felix’s voice sounded desperate, almost as if he was begging.

“I’ve got...ah, I have some elixirs with me”

“Stop riding, Sylvain. Please...Let me treat you with those then. We can’t leave yet. We have to make sure the others are safe, and we have-”

“-To survive” Sylvain finished for him.

He listened to him and slowly stopped his horse, who was more than grateful to finally stop his tired legs from moving.

“We have to survive, Fe. And they have to as well. We all…”

Now that he was cooling off, he was starting to feel the wound he sustained, and it was harder to keep himself focused.

Sylvain fainted. He thought he died. But when regained consciousness, he was being assisted by the kind hands of Mercedes. He knew not how she came to be here; he didn’t know where he was. But looking to his side and seeing Felix next to him, holding his hand…

He realized he didn’t need those answers. They survived; that’s what matters.

-

It was still bizarre to Sylvain how his beloved kingdom became a battlefield. Ever since Cornelia took up half of their territory, it was battle after battle. Well, this was only the case for house Gautier, who stubbornly refused to bend to the will of the Empire, even if their country no longer had a king.

House Gautier wasn’t alone in the resistance, however. Among the other houses, Fraldarius was one that was still standing.

Sylvain knew Felix was alive. He would have been notified otherwise. But he hadn’t seen him in months. Neither of them had the time to indulge in something like visiting each other. They both had to stand with the armies of their houses and defend their territories, hoping to find an opening.

Despite this, they found a way to communicate, and it was through letters. It was the only thing that kept Sylvain grounded, and he wondered if this was the same for Felix.

This was the time where he was glad he listened to Felix and stopped slacking off in his training, otherwise he thinks he would have died already. He made sure to mention that in his letters as well.

Felix wasn’t the only person he wrote to, however. He also wrote to Ingrid, who stood with Galatea. They thankfully weren’t in the same sticky situation Gautier and Fraldarius were, so he received her letters far more often than he received Felix’s.

Still no news of Dimitri. He was dead, or at least that’s what they’ve been told. Nobody saw the body, and so his friends never believed he was truly dead. Their hopes did become smaller with each passing day, but this is all they had to cling to.

Without a king, they could never win the war.

But Sylvain didn’t think about that for the time being. He was one of those who decided to believe he was alive, somewhere, or at least that someday, they’d find a way to overthrow the Empire. How they would achieve such a feat was beyond his thinking.

For now, he was only interested in surviving the battle in front of him so he could read the letter he received from Felix that morning.

-

Dimitri is alive after all. The Blue Lions reunited as they promised. They were back in Garreg Mach.

Sylvain never thought he’d be so happy to be back in his old room. He could remember the times he was here, laying on his bed without a care in the world, wondering how else to screw up his life and meet an early death. And how he talked himself out of it because he remembered the promise he made with Felix when they were children.

“Let’s die together”

That’s a horrible way of phrasing it, but that’s the best way two kids could phrase it. They made this promise shortly after Felix lost his mother. He was sad to see his mother go of course, but he was sadder to see his father crying for her. Back when he still openly cared about his father.

Sylvain had been there, as his entire family was. They both decided that they didn’t want one crying for the other, and so, they promised to die together.

It was easy to recall this moment when he was laying back on his bed, with Felix on top of him.

“It’s been five years, huh…” Sylvain was the one that broke the silence between them. He held Felix close to himself, he who was too tired after the fight they had that day, where they found Dimitri.

“Our war is far from over. It’s just starting now” Felix joined him seconds later.

“Mm…” Sylvain mused out in reply, rubbing Felix’s back. His gaze finally went from the ceiling to him too, and a smile came to his lips. “I’m glad to see you again, Felix. I know I said it to you and Ingrid when we met up to come back here, but...I’ve missed you. I knew you were alive, but it all felt like a dream. I needed to see you”

“Stupid…” But Felix was smiling. “Have you forgotten? I’m not going to die. I can’t. Someone is keeping me from doing that”

“Heh, I’ll be sure to thank that someone for the rest of our days then”

“Our days, huh...let’s hope they’re not always stained with war then. Peace will be boring for me though; My blade will dull”

“Is that all you care about?”

There was a pause between them. A real answer was understood between them at that time.

“Yes” Was the lie that Felix told to cover it up.

-

Rodrigue is dead. He died after the battle of Gronder, which was the biggest bloodbath they had been involved in thus far. He took a blow that was meant for Dimitri and said his last words.

Felix would never openly admit how much this hurt him. Despite his father being a fool, he was still his father, and Felix still didn’t wish to see him dead. He could be as angry towards him as he liked, but he never wanted to see the man die, much less for a beast that wouldn’t even appreciate it.

Or maybe he did, considering how he reacted when Rodrigue fell. It was like he finally got some of his humanity back and he could perhaps wear that guise sometime soon.

Felix didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be here, recalling the few good times he had with his father, and how he loved him. He still wouldn’t forget the dreadful words he said which cause Felix to hate him, though. But right now, that wasn’t enough to stop his tears.

Rodrigue wasn’t even here to take the hate he deserved anymore.

He didn’t think he’d cry for him, or mourn his death, but he underestimated how emotional he can be. It’s not like he didn’t know he felt more than he let on, but he truly thought his hate outweighed the love he had for his father. But now that he’s gone, he wonders if he ever did hate him. He would never doubt the anger he felt towards him, but he now doubted the hatred he claimed he felt.

But he wasn’t alone in this, just like he wasn’t alone when he lost his mother, nor when he lost his brother.

Felix didn’t have blood family left, but he still had Sylvain, who held him as he cried.

-

War had made it impossible for them to imagine themselves back in the hallways of the royal palace in Fhirdiad, and yet here they stood. Today, they had taken back the capital, and the people rejoiced. A grand feast was being held too, and it showed no sign of stopping.

Felix slipped away when he had enough, and Sylvain followed him like he always would. He kept talking his ear off, but Felix didn’t seem to mind. It was understandable he was in such a happy mood, considering that they can finally feel like they can win this war and they aren’t fighting for a lost cause.

“Today turned out for the better. To be honest, I thought this is we would die in Gronder. And now we are here, back in Fhirdiad” Sylvain said, among many things. Felix picked this specifically because he agreed.

“I didn’t see us going past Gronder either. I’m glad my father’s sacrifice was good for something” He said too casually, but it was okay. He was okay. “Never thought I’d set foot back in here”

“I bet you were happy we weren’t coming to Faerghus. Adrestia is a lot warmer after all” Sylvain had to tease him with a dumb smile, and Felix wondered if his friend would survive if he pushed him off the balcony they were standing in.

“Shut up” Was all he said instead.

There was a pleasant silence between them as they looked up at the stars, who looked more beautiful than ever up in the sky. Their sky. The sky of Faerghus, who was now free and ready to go against the Empire with all its might.

“Fe” Whenever Felix heard that nickname, he knew that Sylvain was going to say something that stirred him up from inside.

“What?”

“I want you to survive the war. I’ll survive too, but I want you to see it past this”

“I don’t intend to die” Felix paused. “You don’t have to worry about me”

“You worry about me all the time. It’s high time I express a little of my concern, don’t you think?”

Felix could feel the man’s gaze on him. It took him a few seconds to meet it, but when he did, he felt as if he was seeing into someone he had never seen before. He had never seen Sylvain look so vulnerable, so unmasked, so...naked, for the lack of a better word.

“I’ll protect you to my dying breath, Fe. Not just now, but forever”

Felix wanted to say something in return. Something like ‘I’d rather you live for me than die for me’ like you’d expect him to. But Sylvain didn’t let him speak, for he opened his mouth again.

“I love you, Felix”

Felix had no words left.

-

“Tomorrow we march to Enbarr”

Sylvain received no reply at first, but he didn’t expect to. He thought that Felix was sleeping already, and he barely whispered that out. But Felix was close enough to hear him, seeing as he laid on top of the man on his bed again.

“We do” He replied shortly after.

“This will be our last battle. The war will be over after that. Either we die, or they die”

“Mhmm”

Despite Felix’s short replies, Sylvain knew that he was listening. They had come to be this close after all this time, they could practically read each other’s minds. Well, Felix was able to do that for a long time now. Sylvain was just now catching up to him in that regard.

“Let’s make sure we don’t die, okay?”

“You can die whenever you please, but I’m not going down with you”

“Hah. Didn’t you tell me that recently?”

“Maybe I did”

“Running out of things to say, Fe?”

“I barely have anything to say at all; You do all the talk”

“You leave me to do it. And hey, I don’t mind; talking’s nice. I like the sound of my voice too, but not as much as you do”

“I don’t like the sound of your voice”

“Yet you let me go on and on for hours”

“You never shut up, not even when I ask you”

“You have much better ways to keep my mouth shut now, Fe. You know it. Why don’t you try them out?”

“Fine”

They shared a kiss. It wasn’t the first kiss they shared, and neither of them knew why it took them so long to come to this point when both were waiting for the other to do close the gap between them.

They kissed again. And then, once more, they kissed. Perhaps it was fueled by the fact that this might be the last time they would get to share a moment like this, but they couldn’t keep off from kissing each other, nor they could keep their hands from one another.

-

The cry the emperor let out as she was felled was the sweetest sound that rang across the battlefield. It was what stopped everyone from fighting and all look in a single direction, as the King of Lions retrieved his lance from the hegemon.

The relief Felix felt was immense. For the first time in years, he was able to let go of his sword and let it fall to the ground. He was soaked in blood, his own and otherwise, and yet he was experiencing a happiness he hadn’t felt in forever.

After that, the second sweetest sound was the cry of victory from the army led by Dimitri. They made it this far, and against all odds, they won the war.

The Empire is no more. The war is over.

Felix’s eyes instantly searched among the people around him, looking for a man in a dark horse. He wasn’t hard to find, considering he was already coming his way.

“Felix!” He took it upon himself to call out his name, even though they were already looking at each other. This time, it was Felix that met Sylvain halfway and came to hug him, almost as he did when they were children.

“Sylvain...we won…” He managed to utter out. His voice was faint, but it was anything but sad. Sylvain knew this; it was the happiest he had ever heard Felix.

“I know...Fe, I know” and his voice was also as quiet as Felix’s was.

Among the cries of victory, they shared tears of joy. It downed to them in that moment; they survived the war, they could hope to look at a future together, hand in hand.

Thinking about that made their tears fall faster, and as if both were thinking the same thing, they looked at each other and kissed. If you thought about it objectively, it wasn’t a kiss to be enjoyed, seeing as they both could taste blood, but neither of them were focusing on that.

To them, the kiss was sweet. It tasted like relief. It tasted like victory.

It tasted like peace.

-

Seeing the snowfall had become a favorite thing for him and his husband. At this age, they didn’t have much else to look forward to besides that. But what truly made it worthwhile was seeing their grandchildren playing with the snow as it fell.

“We’ve come this far, huh…” They could never forget. It has been more than 40 years, but they could never forget the day that they put an end to the war. The day their kingdom was reborn, and history rewritten.

“Mm” Even after all this time, Felix was a man of few words. He leaned against his husband, sighing contently. He was too entertained with the image of their children trying to be half the parents Sylvain and Felix were to them. It was...entertained. Funny even. Enough to shake a chuckle out of the stubborn old man Felix had become.

“Wow, laughing? Today is a blessed day, huh?” And despite all this time, Sylvain still had to tease Felix at every opportunity. He was used to it though, so it didn’t faze him. Well, it did, but it wasn’t about to get him out of his good mood today. Nothing would.

“I guess it is” Was all Felix had to say.

They shared one of their many pleasant silences between them as they held hands, perhaps a bit tighter than necessary. It was always like this on this day; a reminder that they survived to be able to do this, and they still kept their lives, even now, to hold each other.

“Thank you for everything Fe. That night, when I confessed to you...I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to hold you like this”

“You thought I’d reject you?”

“Well, yes. I didn’t think we would stop being friends though. Just...I didn’t think I’d be able to call you my husband someday”

“Then you never paid enough attention”

“Hey! You know I’ve never been good with the details”

“I wonder about that. You’re far more attentive to them than I ever was. You keep doing all these little things for me...It takes me days to even notice one”

“Heh, that’s okay” He let a content sigh escape through his lips. “It’s always rewarding when you finally do”

“You never change, do you?”

“You know I don’t”

Those words hit heavier than they should have. That’s what anyone that wasn’t them would say, considering they were so simple and meaningless. But it wasn’t meaningless for them. They stood as proof that they stood against the test of time, and despite all odds, they remained together and intended to do so for whatever days they had left now.

Felix let out a content sigh before he nodded. A smile to match his husband’s soon came to his face.

“Yeah, I know”


End file.
